Next Floor, Planet Vegeta!
by Writer-Person
Summary: Goku decides to visit Bulma. He ends up getting lost searching in the maze like building known as Capsule Corp. He mistakes some sort of time machine as an elevator, and is sent back in time to Planet Vegeta, before it was destroyed. How will he get back?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT.

A/N: This occurs in the 3 year time gap after Freeza is killed, and before the androids come. Hope you enjoy!

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**Prologue: Oh $#!+ this isn't an Elevator?**

It was such a wonderful late afternoon/early evening! Goku just knew that this was soon going to be the ending to yet another perfect day. There were no threats to the Earth at the moment (other than the androids that were said to be coming in 3 years time to have fun obliterating the human race and all of existence.) Life seemed pristine, life seemed great... nothing could go wrong!

Goku opened up the door to his quaint little house in the mountains on the boondocks of West City. The second he stepped foot in the small house, he whiffed up the scent of ChiChi's home cooking. He strode into the kitchen cheerily, and reached his hand into a one of the pans to sneakily snatch a tasty morsel, only succeeding in having his hand swatted away with a spatula in the act.

"Come on Chi, just a little bit?" Goku pleaded with his infamous Son Goku puppy dog eyes (well, at least with ChiChi, they have yet to save the Earth).

"No Goku, you know full well it isn't dinner yet! You'll just have to wait patiently," reprimanded ChiChi, setting the utensil down, and crossing her arms.

"But ChiChi, I'm starving!" whined Goku childishly.

"No is no, Goku," replied a somewhat agitated ChiChi, returning to her cooking.

Goku put on a fake sulky face, and sat down at the kitchen table. "I'm not kidding, ChiChi. I really am starving!" he continued relentlessly.

"Goku, don't you realize that the more you bug me, the longer it takes for me to make the food?" questioned ChiChi, glancing at him for a moment.

"No-" answered Goku honestly, still bearing a pout.

ChiChi rolled her eyes, and resumed cooking. "You know, Goku, Bulma stopped by earlier," she mentioned, trying to change the subject, and distract Goku, like one would distract a 3 year old.

"Really?" asked Goku.

"Yeah, she was a little bit disappointed that you weren't here. She told me that you should visit her more often," replied ChiChi

"Oh," said Goku, staring at the food, while a massive drool puddle formed beneath his mouth.

ChiChi thought for a moment. 'Maybe I can get him out of my hair until dinner is ready,' she thought slyly. "Goku, I have an idea. Why don't you go pay Bulma a visit. I'm sure she'd be glad to see you!"

Goku shook his had, breaking his trance on the food. "Ok, ChiChi, I'll do just that!" he chirped, getting up out of his seat, and heading toward the door. "I'll be home before dinnertime!" he shouted, as he left.

He was just about to jump into the air, and take flight, when a thought suddenly crossed his mind. 'Why don't I just use instant transmission. That would go a lot quicker!' thought Goku. He hit his forehead in realization, and instantly transported inside of Capsule Corp.

The building itself was big, and Goku didn't exactly remember his way around it completely. Well, okay, in all honesty, he was utterly dumbstruck on where he was. A smart person would merely sense for Bulma's ki, and transport directly to her, but Goku never was the sharpest tool in the shed.

'I know! I'll just walk around until I find her. She's bound to be in here somewhere!' he thought, giving himself an imaginary pat on the back for a plan he thought of as ingenious.

Goku went up a few flights of stairs, searching for Bulma on each and every floor, but so far, he had no luck. Unknown to him, less than 15 minutes into the search, he had already begun to start walking in circles. He had been walking along the same corridor for about 20 minutes now.

Finally, he ended up taking a different turn that lead him to a long staircase leading earthward. He walked down it, and ended up finding himself in a lab of some sort. He walked around it, taking unnecessary glances into the many graduated cylinders, and test tubes.

"No Bulma in here either-" he commented to himself with a frown.

Goku sighed deeply in frustration. He was finally beginning to lose all hope of ever finding her in the gigantic maze of a building that was Capsule Corp. 'Sure wish there were one of those "you are here, blah blah blah is there," signs in here,' thought Goku.

Moments later, his eyes then rested upon what he thought was just an ordinary elevator. "Phew," he sighed in relief, "At least I don't have to get lost on all of those staircases again," he muttered, pushing the only button on the outside of it, which as he thought, opened the door.

He walked inside, and looked at the buttons on the control panel to the right of the double-doors. As the doors shut, he began to read them. There was a screen slightly above the keypad, and it lit up.

"Hello there, passenger. Thank you for traveling with Capsule Corporattion model E8371R2. What year would you like to visit?" queried a mechanical female computer voice.

"Year?" questioned Goku aloud, looking for the woman who had spoken to him.

Goku scratched the back of his head in confusion, realizing that he was alone. 'Hmm... What floor should I go to?' he thought, ignoring the computer's question. 'I can't choose... I know! I won't look when I dial it in.' Goku shut his eyes, lifted up his arm, and typed in a few numbers while thinking to himself, 'Goku, you are such a genius!'

When the computer repeated the numbers he typed in; it followed by questioning, "And what coordinates would you like?"

"Huh...? The thing must be broken!" exclaimed Goku aloud in frustration.

He then pounded his right fist on the number keys a few times, while demanding, "Work, would ya'?"

The computer then repeated the next set of numbers he had literally punched in. It then stated, "Year and coordinates locked, please stand still while the process of transporting your molecules to said place and time is made. Process will start in 5... 4..."

"Huh... This isn't an elevator... is it?" questioned Goku aloud to no-one in particular, making a loud gulping sound afterwards. "Uh-oh, ChiChi's gonna kill me!"

"3... 2... 1..." finished the computer. "The process will now begin."


	2. Crash Landing

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT.

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**Chapter 2: The Crash Landing (Goku's Grand Entrance)**

Goku didn't even have a millisecond of time to even comprehend the magnitude of what a terrrible mistake he had made. Pictures of people, animals, plants, rocks, water, dirt, planets, space and all of it's celestial glory whirred past Goku in seconds filled with colorful white-noise images. Waves of the images passed by him in a minuscule amount of time. The pictures themselves were of all different times, though, at the moment he had no idea.

Goku had managed to scramble together just two things during this point in time: 1, either that elevator was the _worst _elevator he had ever used, or 2, he had mistaken something else as an elevator and had just experienced what it felt like to step in dog doodoo and not even realize until someone else had explained the smell to him. The odd elevator-like invention of Bulma's he had so naively stumbled upon was indeed, not an elevator. In fact, he wasn't even in the small cramped room of said 'elevator-thing' anymore. He seemed to be in an abyss, oddly, one of everything that had ever happened or would ever happen instead of nothingness.

People's entire lives were passing before his unknowing eyes. People that hadn't even been born yet, and wouldn't be for centuries to come. The only thought that came to his mind was one that most anyone would have thought, 'Um... Am I ever going to stop? Please?'

Suddenly, the blur of pictures surrounding his entire being finally closed it's endless chasm, and zoomed in on one image in particular. Said image was a bright beautiful ruby-colored gem of a planet. It was humongous, and so luminous and mysterious that it caused Goku's eyes to enlargen in deep curiosity as the image of the celestial entity reflected off of his inquisitive raven pupils.

He felt his body being pulled to it by a force unknown to him. At first Goku thought it was gravity, but he was still rather far from the planet, so that theory didn't make much logical sense. One thing was for sure, that planet was definately not one big matress that would bounce him back up harmlessly with fluffy comfort when he hit the surface. Finally, Goku realized what was happening and began to panic. He tried to push back away from the pull with his ki, but to no avail. 'Maybe I should just let the atmosphere pull me in and try to pull away with my ki once I get closer?' thought Goku.

Though, he didn't have much of a choice; as soon as that thought passed through his mind, the pull increased in strength one hundred times over, and sent him plowing into the skies of the planet at deadly speeds.

'Okay! Maybe the pull isn't from the atmosphere!?!' thought Goku, having an awful urge to scratch the back of his head in confusion, but finding out that he couldn't move a single muscle.

Goku closed his eyelids tightly to protect his vision as his body sped through the sky toward the ground faster and faster. Occasionally he could feel a cool brisk mist spraying onto him off of the many clouds his body zipped through. He then opened his eyes out of curiosity, only to be acquainted with the rough hard reddish-brown rocky surface of the Planet. Let's just say, neither of them made a very good first impression.

* * *

Near-by, a man that looked nearly identical to the one that had just plowed into his home-planet's earth turned toward the harsh contact point. Accompanying him was an extremely tall, and muscular man with broad shoulders, and strong facial features. His chin was elongated, and his cheekbones jutted out in a very primal masculine way.

Both men's eyes seemed identical in comparison to Son Goku's. They were both deep onyx pools that seemed to be pit-less, surrounded by a creamy opal orb. Both were adorned with standard third-class Saiyan armor, and boots, along with scouters of course. They both were wearing utterly dumbfounded looks, with an eyebrow quirked up on each of their faces in an expression that said, 'What the hell?' Before their confused faces, was a very deep ditch with two orange adorned legs popping out of the center at the bottom.

After a long moment of complete and utter silence:

"Toma, looks as if someone doesn't know how to fly," commented Goku's twin, laughing at the poor man at the bottom in the very awkward position.

"Yes, Bardock, either that, or he really likes the taste of dirt," replied Toma, also chuckling at the hilarious scene before him.

Goku's foot suddenly twitched as he thought in sarcasm, 'Haha... Very funny... Maybe those guys should become comedians if they think they're that funny!'

Goku then pushed a wave of ki out of his buried hands, and shot back up into the sky in an instant, all the while, performing a quick and agile flip to right himself. He turned his head to get a good look at the people who had made fun of him, and literally almost fell back into the 'Goku-shaped' hole he had created only moments earlier, and/or peed himself.

One of the men floating only mere yards across from him looked exactly like him, excluding his attire, a scar on his left cheek, and a slight difference in skin pigmentation. The man opposite to him seemed equally as shocked as Goku.

Goku lifted up a trembling arm, and pointed it at his twin, stuttering, "Y-You look... You l-look like me!"

Bardock just hovered in the air for a moment, his jaw nearly touching the ground, he was in so much astonishment. Unbenknownst to him if he were an elder Earthling man, he might have died from a heart-attack caused by such a surprise.

All that Bardock could manage to say in return to Goku's comment was, "No shit, Sherlock."

Goku frowned in disappointment, crossing his arms at the display of rudeness, and profanity. 'Man, this guy sure isn't nice," he thought to himself.

It seemed like nearly forever that the three men stood there, in the same spot, just staring at each other with somewhat dumbstruck expressions on their faces. Finally, Bardock, the most impatient of the three couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Hello!" shouted Bardock, waving his hands back and forth in front of Goku's face, "Are you just going to stand there and stare at me like an idiot, or are you going to tell me who you are, and why you look so similar me?"


	3. This Guy's a Nutcase

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT.

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**Chapter 3: This Guy's a Nutcase (The Story of Goku's Life)**

Goku couldn't believe how inconsiderate this man that was standing before him was. 'Just who does this guy think he is?' thought Goku angrily, 'Well, besides apparently, me, and he's not even doing a good job of acting like me!' On the inside, Goku was absolutely bound and determined to show this guy that Goku was not someone to be messed with. He didn't like bullies at all! Though, on the outside, his demeanor spelled only confusion.

"Uh-" stumbled Goku nervously, "My name's Son Goku, what's yours?"

"Bardock," answered the man, scowling at Goku rudely.

Goku flinched slightly from the glare. 'Maybe I shouldn't show this guy who I am? This guy's scowl is scarier than Vegeta's,' he thought with a slight frown.

Seconds later, Goku wiped the frown clean off his face and took on a new attitude. 'I know,' he thought, ' I'll just enshroud the bully in niceness and he'll come to like me!'

"Nice to meet you!"exclaimed Goku with a large grin, sticking his right hand in front of him for a pleasant handshake.

Bardock glanced down at his hand, and crossed his arms. "What are you trying to do?" he asked.

"Well, I was trying to be polite, and shake your hand," explained Goku, 'Maybe handshakes aren't customary around these parts?' thought Goku, determined that his nice guy facade would win Bardock over.

"Well-" began Bardock, "Don't!"

Toma shook his head, and laughed at Bardock. That man was just so ridiculous sometimes! "Well, don't leave me out, my names Toma."

"Hi Toma, a pleasure to meet you!" said Goku, perking up at the newfound kindness after Bardock's rude gesture.

"Why do you look so similar to me?" asked Bardock for the second time. He was starting to get even more annoyed at this strange man.

"I don't know," replied Goku truthfully. "You wouldn't happen to know where I am, would you?"

At this odd remark, both Bardock, and Toma's eyes bugged out in astonishment. "You mean to say you don't know what planet your on?" questioned Toma in disbelief."

"Well, er... no..." stated Goku.

"You're a Saiyan, aren't you?" asked Bardock, thinking that the planet they were on should be a no-brainer for any Saiyan.

"Yeah, Gee... How did you know?" exclaimed Goku in complete shock.

"You have a tail dumb-a..." began Bardock, being cut off by:

"Oh... My... Kami! My tail grew back?!? How?" screamed Goku, running around in circles desperately, in a vain attempt to grab his tail- which he could have just moved to his hand -only to succeed in looking like a complete nutcase. Goku stopped short in the heat of his chase after a moment with a look of revelation upon his face. "That _thing_ was definately not an elevator!" he stated to nobody in particular.

"Maybe we should leave," suggested Toma, a worried look etching onto his facial features.

"I agree, some of this guy's idiosyncracy might rub off on us," replied Bardock with a disgusted look on his face.

Goku's eyes widened in surprise and worry,"Wait! Don't go!" he shouted at them.

"Why not?" asked Bardock and Toma in sync with each other, both looking at one another with expressions that read, 'This guy's a weirdo.'

"I still don't know where I am!" answered Goku hurriedly.

"You're on Planet Vegeta, happy now?" questioned Toma.

"Planet Vegeta" repeated a very dumbfounded Goku. "B-But, Planet Vegeta was destroyed by Freeza a day after I was born!"

"Um-no," replied Bardock, "Otherwise, we'd all be dead, now wouldn't we, Goku? Oh, and by the way, what the HFIL type of Saiyan name is Goku?"

"Well, there's a long story behind it. The day Planet Vegeta was destroyed by Freeza, I was sent off on a purging mission to the Planet Earth. I hit my head in a ravine when I was a baby, and lost all memory of my assignment and the Saiyan race. Goku, was my Earthling given name, but my real Saiyan name is Kakarrot," explained Goku.

"Though, I do agree with you that Kakarrot is indeed a Saiyan name; I don't believe one bit of that story except for maybe you bumping your head, and getting a tad bit... How should I put this?... Demented," pondered Bardock, smiling slightly at his conclusion.

"But it's all true!"argued Goku. "I later traveled to Planet Namek, and battled it out with Freeza. I was just about done-for. That is, until he killed one of my friends, causing me to turn into a Super Saiyan due to my rage. Then, after a long battle, I beat Freeza. Though, he didn't die, and he went to Earth, my home planet, to destroy my family and friends in an attempt for revenge while I was off-planet. Apparently, he was made into some weird half-robot-freaky-thing. Vegeta's demi-saiyan son from the future ended up killing him. Though, if things went wrong I could have just instant-transmissioned myself to Earth and killed him by myself. Oh, and I forgot to tell you that Freeza's father, King Cold was with him also. Vegeta's son killed him too!" explained Goku even further in a poorly done fashion.

Bardock and Toma both exchanged confused and extremely skeptical glances.

"You've got to be kidding me!" stated Bardock, "That's biggest load of shit I've ever heard! Honestly, I don't know how you do it!"

"It... I... You have to believe me! I'm not lying! The only Saiyans that survived the explosion were: Me, Vegeta, Nappa, Turles, and Broly," said Goku.

In a desperate attempt to get Bardock and Toma to believe him, Goku began illustrating his tale on the reddish-brown rocky exterior of Planet Vegeta. Unfortunately for Goku, he wasn't much of an artist. Bardock looked at the ground pointedly. After a moment of careful consideration and deliberation, he muttered, "What is it? Why are you drawing stick figures on the ground? What are you, three?"

"You mean you can't tell what I'm drawing?" asked Goku with an almost 'I give up!' expression on his face.

"Hmmm..." mumbled Toma, laughing slightly, "I get it, the lizard-thing's supposed to be Freeza, right?"

"Yes!" replied Goku, overjoyed that his work was finally getting the recognition it deserved.

"Heh... What do you know, it does bare a striking resemblance to him, doesn't it?" commented Bardock with a slight smirk. "What's that hairy thing supposed to be?"

"Oh I forgot to tell you, my older brother, Raditz also survived the destruction of Planet Vegeta," answered Goku, scratching the back of his head as an 'oops' gesture.

"Raditz!" exclaimed Bardock in recognition, "That can't be true! How do you know about him? He's an only child!"

"Raditz, Vegeta, and Nappa were away on a purging mission at the time. They were told that an asteroid had collided with Planet Vegeta, and destroyed it. Vegeta was on Namek with me when I beat Freeza! I don't know how Turles survived, but it's all true! I swear to you! I wouldn't lie!" said Goku.

Bardock and Toma exchanged glances for a split second. Both had only collected small bits and fragments of the information Goku had given them. Mostly because a lot of the parts in his explanations made absolutely no sense at all, and didn't connect with each other. Though, there was one part they both understood. Goku had stated that Raditz was his older brother. Bardock was Raditz's father. Not only that, it must be the same Raditz, because Raditz was really hairy. So that could only mean that this Goku character was Bardock's soon to be son in a few years down the road in some other timeline. That is, if Goku wasn't lying to them.

"You thinking what I'm thinking, Toma?" asked Bardock.

"He's a stalker?" replied Toma questioninly.

"Wait! No! I'm not a stalker! I just came shooting out of the sky! I don't know where I am, or how I got here. I've only been telling you the truth. I'm no Einstein, there's no way I could make up that many lies so quickly! Please, you have to believe me!" pleaded Goku.

'Einstein? What?' thought Bardock. "Look, kid, I'll believe, you, but only after you take a little test first."

"Sure, anything!" replied an overjoyed Goku.

* * *

ChiChi was becoming worried, for Goku had never returned home for dinner. "He's never late for dinner. Something must be wrong!"

"What's wrong, Mom?" asked Gohan, sitting down at the table.

"Your Father's late for dinner," she said, worry evident on her face.

Gohan understood why she'd be worried. Missing a good meal was nothing like his dad. He searched for his ki so that he could tell his Mom where he was, and guess what he was probably doing by determining where he was located. Though, Gohan had one slight problem in his plan: he couldn't find Goku's ki anywhere.

"Mom, Dad's ki signature, It's... it's... gone!" stated Gohan in horror.


	4. Paternity Testing

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT.

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**Chapter 4: Paternity Testing**

Gohan couldn't believe this. There had been no threats lately. That meant there could be no possible reason for his father's ki having dissappeared. That fact that his ki was gone could only mean one thing. Goku was either no-longer on planet Earth, or he was dead!

"Mom, Dad's ki signature, It's... it's... gone!" stated Gohan in horror.

ChiChi stared blankly at Gohan for at least five minutes. It wasn't the first time Goku had disappeared, but it could always be explained other times. Not to mention, his ki signature could always still be felt, excluding the planet Namik incident.

'His ki signal is gone? No, it can't be, the only explanation for that would be that he's... dead!' ChiChi thought to herself, suddenly feeling a cold chill run up her spine, her whole being seemed to be enshrouded in a feeling of loneliness in a split second.

"Gohan, honey, we're going to Bulma's," she said, walking out the front door.

"S-Sure thing, mom!" replied Gohan.

ChiChi called upon the flying nimbus, and Gohan flew alongside her all the way to the Capsule Corporation compounds. ChiChi refused to believe her husband was dead again! He couldn't be! This time, they might not be able to wish him back!

'There has to be a reasonable explanation for this!' ChiChi pondered. 'I'm going to get to the bottom of it!'

ChiChi didn't bother knocking, and practically ripped Bulma's front door off its hinges. She glanced around the first room she stormed into, and saw no Bulma. She began to get irritated now, after all, _her_ man was gone!

"Bulma Briefs!" she shrieked impatiently. "Bulma, Where are you?!?"

A scared receptionist hurried to where Bulma was located to get permission to use the guards to drag this mad woman out of the building.

When she reached the room Bulma was in she asked, "Mrs. Briefs, there's an insane woman in the lobby screaming out your name, and demanding to know where you are. May I please have permission to get the guards to escort her off the compounds?"

Bulma rested her index finger on her chin, and thought for a moment, "No," she finally answered after a second or two.

"May I ask why not?" questioned the receptionist with a rather confused and agitated look upon her face.

"I believe I know who she is," answered Bulma, heading toward the lobby, and sure enough, it was who she thought it would be.

"Bulma!" shouted ChiChi. "Have you seen my Goku? Gohan can't sense his ki anywhere!"

"Goku?" muttered Bulma, "Why no, I haven't," she answered, interest etched in her tone of voice. She then turned to Gohan and asked, "Are you sure you can't feel your Dad's ki signal?"

"Positive, Bulma," replied Gohan, looking completely serious and worried.

"What was his last location you were aware of?" she asked to no-one in particular.

"He went here," asnwered ChiChi instantly.

"Here?" Bulma repeated in confusion.

Before she could say anything else, a worker for Capsule Corp. jogged up to her and exclaimed, "Mrs. Briefs, there's some machinery smoking in your main laboratory!"

Bulma furrowed her brows, moments later, her eyes widened in realization. "I think I might know what had happened to Goku," she muttered, heading toward the earlier indicated main lab.

"What, how?" asked ChiChi, hurrying after her, with Gohan in tow.

When she reached her main laboratory, and had seen what machinery was smoking, all the pieces of the puzzle were put together in her head.

"Everything makes sense now," she mumbled incoherently.

"What did you say? What are you talking about, Bulma?" demanded ChiChi, quickly becoming impatient, yet again.

"Your husband must have somehow stumbled upon my prototype, the time portal, and used it. It may have worked, but it seems the portal couldn't handle such force of traveling through time, and it must have blown a circuit or something similar to that," explained Bulma.

"So your saying my husband has launched himself into the past?" ChiChi asked in astonishment. "What do you mean it_ may _have worked?!?"

"Well, I have no idea where Goku ended up, after-all it was just a prototype. There's a possibility that he may be in the future or in the past. He may have never reappeared anywhere at all, and could be lost to us forever. I can't tell as of now, but if I can salvage the time portal and maybe fix it, it's possible I can search it's data history to see what exact time and place he traveled to," reasoned Bulma.

"Can you get him back to our time?" asked Gohan.

"Maybe, but this time portal only goes one way, then automatically materializes back in it's original time and location. I'll need to make a separate, more compact device to take him back. I can use the original time travel device to get to where he is, and a separate to take both of us back home. It'll be a challenge, but I know I can do it!"answered Bulma in determination.

* * *

Goku took in all of his surroundings with awe. Bardock and Toma had taken him into some odd medical building. He knew it was a medical building because he could see regeneration tanks littered all over the place. He also had passed by numerous Saiyan nurseries.

'I wonder what type of test I'm going to take?' thought Goku, almost giddy.

Suddenly, Bardock, stopped and turned into a small cramped room with an odd green humanoid in it.

"We need to take a paternity test," stated Bardock to the humanoid.

"Okay, I will need the DNA samples of you, and whichever other person you are going to be testing," began the humanoid, reaching into a drawer and taking out two syringes.

Goku's eyes immediately widened in horror when he noticed what the humanoid was holding, "Needle!" he screamed, making a mad-dash out of the room.

"If that is your kid, Bardock, you need to seriously get him some help," muttered Toma with a slight frown.

"Shut up and help me catch that annoying bugger!" shouted Bardock angrilly, taking after Goku.


	5. Vegeta's Along for the Ride

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Vegeta's Along for the Ride!**

Both Bardock and Toma struggled to at least restrain the flailing Goku they had finally managed to catch. Suddenly, Toma's foot slipped, causing him to lose hold of the wriggling overgrown baby. Goku took advantage of the weakness of their restraint, and made a mad-dash forward, knocking Bardock to the ground as he did so.

"Shit!" cursed Bardock, rubbing his backside, getting up, and trailing after Goku. "Get back here you pansy!"

Goku glanced back at him with a surprised innocent face, "Take that back! I'm no pansy!"

"Yeah you are, what man's afraid of a tiny little needle?" yelled Bardock in annoyance.

Goku huffed, and diverted his attention back toward the hallway in front of him as he ran. He skidded to a surprised halt as the doctor with the accursed needle suddenly appeared from seemly out of no-where before him. 'Oh my Kami! This is just like my nightmares that made me pee myself when I was a kid!' thought Goku in horror.

Bardock, unable to stop in time, rammed into Goku, causing the both of them to get newly acquainted with the ground. Well, Bardock became newly aquainted, Goku was just returning for a visit.

"Oof... Get off!" Goku demanded. "You're crushing me!"

"It isn't my falt! If you hadn't run away, none of this would've have happened!" complained Bardock, lifting himself up and off of Goku.

Goku stood up, and remembered that the doctor was still there. Immediately, he tried to make another run for it, only to realized that Bardock had wrapped him in a full Nelson. Goku struggled for a moment to escape it, but couldn't.

"Don't worry, Kakarrot," the humanoid doctor spoke softly, eyeing Bardock and Goku with a somewhat amused face, "I can understand that you have a severe case of trypanophobia."

"Uh... Terypaophonia... What is that?" asked Goku.

"Trypanophobia" the doctor corrected, "Means that you're trypanophobic."

Goku's eyebrow twitched in confusion. He turned his head as best he could to look at Bardock, and see his reaction. Bardock just sent him a bemused shrug as an answer.

"A trypanophobic is a person that has a phobia for needles," the doctor further explained, he frowned, realizing that Goku still couldn't follow him. "It means you're scared of needles," he simplified.

"Oh! It all makes sense now, but doc, I knew that already. You didn't have to tell me," said Goku, smiling. "So now that you know that I'm scared of needles. Can you please not use one on me?"

"I won't use a needle on you, I promise," the doctor muttered, "I have other methods."

With that said, he plucked a strand of hair off of Goku's head, and held it up before him, "This will do. You can let him go now, Bardock."

"Owy-" mumbled Goku, rubbing the spot where the hair was pulled from his head.

"And now for you," the doctor stated, turning to Bardock.

Bardock hesitantly let go of Goku, and watched the doctor. "Hey! what are you doing?" he asked the doctor in surprise.

"I need a hair sample from you too, Bardock. I need to pluck a strand off," the doctor explained, coming closer to him, and reaching for a hair.

"Like hell you will!" Bardock said, backing up, and away from the doctor.

"Now it's my turn!" announced Goku happily, rubbing his hands together in an almost-greedy fashion. "I'll give you a ten second start!"

* * *

Gohan sat on a chair watching Bulma work on the new handheld device that would transport her back with his father. She had decided that she would make this one capable to travel both ways, unlike the opposing more bulky time travel device.

She figured she'd just make the smaller device more stable, unlike the bigger one. Once she was done with the smaller device, she'd start her task of searching the larger one's memory files for the whereabouts of what place and time Goku had traveled to.

For her, building a smaller time travel portal seemed like it would be a piece of cake, but in little Gohan's eyes, it looked like the most elaborate piece of technology he'd ever seen. So many questions ran through his mind as he watched her work relentlessly hour after hour.

He was starting to fall asleep himself. How long could she keep this up, she'd almost been working on it for two days straight now. Suddenly, Gohan jerked his head up in curiosity as he saw Bulma get up, and out of her chair with her new time travel device in hand.

"Done!" she stated, bustling out of the room to start her work on getting information from the larger portal.

Gohan followed after her, excitedly telling his mom Bulma had finished. Both ChiChi and Gohan watched Bulma, awaiting eagerly for Bulma to tell them where Goku had gone.

Vegeta walked up to the room, and leaned against the arch of the doorway with his arms crossed. He scowled at them all. He'd asked Goku's woman why she, and Gohan were staying at Capsule Corporation earlier out of curiosity.

The news of Goku accidentally sending himself to either the past or the future didn't strike him as odd. This was just one of those stupid things Goku did. What did he care anyway? It didn't matter to him what was to happen to that dolt.

"Got it!" Bulma exclaimed, catching everyone's attention. "Goku is at the exact coordinates: 2457, around sector six of the northern galaxy in the time of 731 A.D."

"So he's in the past," ChiChi murmured, "I don't get the whole sector and coordinates stuff, can you simplify it a little. Is he on a planet?"

"Yeah, I sure can, no problem."muttered Bulma, typing in some numbers onto a nearby computer. "Oh my!" she exclaimed out of shock.

"What?" asked Gohan, worried.

"It's seems that our Goku has sent himself back in time to planet Vegeta a couple of years before it exploded!" explained Bulma, still in utter disbelief.

"What?" shouted Vegeta, completely shocked.

"Yeah, that's right, Vegeta, ironic huh?" joked Bulma, "I guess I'll be able to see a little you, am I right?"

"No, you won't! I forbid you to go there! I'll go there, and get that idiot! If you go, you'll get killed!" yelled Vegeta.

"What do you mean? I have to go. This device is too complicated for someone else to use," argued Bulma, thinking, 'Does Vegeta actually care about me?' then immediately blushing.

"You don't get it! I'm not even born yet! That's the same year, my Father, King Vegeta mates with my Mother. But more importantly, it's also the year he signs a treaty with Freeza to start purging planets for him!" explained Vegeta.

"In that case, I guess we'll just have to go together!" suggested Bulma, winking at Vegeta with a coy smile.

* * *

Bardock ran like a chicken with its head cut off down the hallways, with Goku hot on his heels. After a minute or two, Goku finally caught up to him, and saw an opening to grab him. Goku pounced on Bardock from behind, shoving him into a wall.

"Get off, if you know what's good for you!" hissed Bardock threateningly.

"No-way! It's your turn now! It was your idea to have the test in the first place, remember?" Goku pointed out, grabbing a bundle of Bardock's hair.

Bardock's eyes widened in fear, "Kakarrot, not that much!" he screamed.

_RIP!!!_

"Yeoooooouch!" shrieked Bardock in pain.

"It wasn't that bad, now was it?" Goku chimed joyously, completely oblivious to Bardock's pain.

Goku began showing off the big clump of midnight black hair he had wrenched out to Bardock.

Bardock rubbed the spot it where had been torn out and snapped, "One strand of hair, Kakarrot! One measly strand, not fifty! You're a dead man, you hear me?"


	6. The Proud Father

Disclaimer: I don't DB/Z/GT.

* * *

**Chapter 6: The Proud Father**

'This is so... boring,' thought Goku. 'You'd think that meeting a guy that looks exactly like me, and says he's a Saiyan, and has a tail, and has a Saiyan friend, and the planet he lives on is called planet Vegeta, and... and... and... cool pen!'

CLICK... CLICK... CLICK...

"Stop it," mumbled Bardock, tapping his foot impatiently.

TAP... TAP... TAP...

"Geeze, are the results done yet or what?" complained Bardock.

"Not yet, try to be patient Bardock," muttered the doctor, leaving the room they were in for the time being.

TAP... TAP... TAP... CLICK... TAP... CLICK... TAP... CLICK...

"Would you quit clicking that damn pen already?!?" shouted Bardock.

"Well, I'll quit it, if you stop tapping your foot!" argued Goku childishly.

CLICK... CLICK... CLICK...

"Ughhhh! Give me that!" screamed Bardock, yanking the pen out of Goku's hand and snapping it in half.

"Bardock-" began Goku.

"What?" hissed Bardock

"You've got a lot of ink all over you," pointed out Goku.

Bardock's eye twitched in annoyance as he looked at the ink stained all over his clothing. "Thanks for pointing that out, captain obvious," murmured Bardock, leaving the room to clean himself up.

"Anytime!" hollered out Goku happily.

* * *

Shortly after, the door to the room Goku was in reopened.

"Are you going to go the ceremony tonight?" questioned the Doctor as he rushed back in the room with a stack of papers with odd black and white printings on them.

"What ceremony are you talking about?" asked Goku dumbfoundedly.

"What? You mean to tell me you don't know about it?" asked the doctor in utter surprise.

"Um..." mumbled Goku, frowning.

"Seriously, Buddy, you need to get a life!" exclaimed the doctor, reading the print on the papers.

"You can say that again," muttered an irritated Bardock as he re-entered the room, his armor and spandex still stained and now thoroughly soaked through with water.

"Oh, hehe, _that_ ceremony! Yeah, of course I know what you are talking about. I must have let it slip my mind!" lied Goku deceivingly.

Bardock raised an eyebrow at Goku and carried the air of someone that wasn't buying a lick of what Goku said.

"I have the test results, Bardock, Kakarrot," spoke the Doctor, a grin on his face.

"Let's get this over with so the loon here can get back to what he does best," stated Bardock, his arms crossed impatiently.

Goku frowned in confusion, "Who are you calling a loon, and just what do I do best?"

"Look up the word in the dictionary," replied Bardock, "Now that I think about it, just read the whole damn thing, maybe you'll regain a brain cell in that thick head of yours."

"Do you want to here the results or not?" asked the doctor, tapping his foot.

Both men nodded eagerly.

The doctor glance at Goku, then back at Bardock. Both men wore expectant looks on their faces. The tesion was growing by the second. Finally, the Doctor stated, "Bardock... You _are_ the Father."

Goku's face lit up like a jacolantern. He was so happy. He'd never had a dad before, and this was so completely unexpected. Meanwhile, Bardock's expression was the polar opposite. He looked as if he were going to shoot himself, or Goku, either would suffice.

'How is this scientifically even possible?' thought Bardock in confusion.

"It isn't, but it's magically possible!" answered Goku happily.

"Do you have any idea how dumb that made you sound, rainbow boy?" asked Bardock, "Wait a minute, you read my mind!"

"Yes, I did. I know, it's a gift," replied Goku, "I just all of a sudden learned how to do it on my way to Namek to defeat Frieza. Cool huh? I could maybe teach you sometime if you wa-"

Goku didn't get any time to finish his sentence because Bardock had already left the room. Goku followed after him, having seen him storm out.

"Wait for me, Bardock!" Goku called out.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I aint buying it!" shouted Bardock, "This whole thing is a huge load of crap!

"Please, Bardock, I can explain. I need your help to get back to my time! Vegeta told me that you were a great scientist. You're the only one who can help me!" Goku exclaimed, giving himself a mental pat on the back for thinking up such a great excuse so quickly.

Bardock paused his long stride for a moment, "What did you say?" he asked.

"I need your help," Goku answered.

"No, no, the other thing!"

"Um, you're a scientist," replied Goku.

"How did you know that? Prove to me you're telling the truth about all of this mumbo jumbo, and maybe, just maybe, I'll h-h-help you," Bardock blabbed out, it was hard for him to even consider doing anything for Goku.

"Vegeta, King Vegeta's son, who probably isn't born yet, told me you were a scientist. He said that you made a great invention that makes an artificial moon so that Saiyans can transform without having to wait for the real full moon to come," explained Goku.

"That's true, I'm working on a prototype that does just that. I'm listening, go on, what else did he tell you about me?" inquired Bardock, intrigued and slightly flattered that the prince thought he was a great scientist.

"Uh -" began Goku, "There's not much more to say after that. He basically told me that was your only good accomplishment, and that you were a weak loser, but no hard feeling, okay?"

Bardock's face immediately turned red, "He said what?!?"

"Hey, that's just his opinion, don't take it out on me," replied Goku, waving his arms in front of him in a 'I didn't do anything, please don't hurt me!' sort of gesture.

Bardock allowed his anger to leave him, and took in a deep replenishing fresh breath of air.

"It will take a lot of time for me to even attempt to make a time travel machine. I didn't even think it was possible to do such a thing," explained Bardock with a slight frown.

"It doesn't matter how long it takes, I can wait. Besides, I have more time to spend with you Daddyo," chimed Goku excitedly.

"What did you just call me?" questioned Bardock.

"Daddyo?" answered Goku.

"Don't _ever_ say that word again, got it?" threatened Bardock.

Goku visibly paled and made a large gulp, while nodding his head up and down in fear.

The two began to walk together, silence ensued. It was a very awkward type of silence, the kind Goku hated, and Bardock at the moment, craved. Sweet silent bliss. Bardock closed his eyes for a split second. His ears were finally starting to become un-numb now that Goku finally had nothing to say. He could think again!

As if on cue:

"Hey, Bardock," an annoying voice broke the long-awaited silence.

"What now, Kakarrot?" Bardock hissed, frowning.

"Are we going to the ceremony tonight?" Goku questioned.

"Sure, why not," replied Bardock, wishing the silence to come back again.

"Hey, Bardock," the voice returned to his displeasure.

"What?" demanded Bardock quite angrily.

"What is the ceremony about anyways?" asked Goku.

"You'll see,"

"Hey, Bardock,"

"Shut up!" screeched Bardock angrily.

"You know, you really shouldn't have that mean macho-man look on your face all of the time, if you do it enough, it will stay like that forever. It might scare little children, and you don't want to do that!" explained Goku.

_SMACK_

Suddenly, Goku felt a little woozy, and his vision was blurry. "Whadya do that for-" he mumbled, swaying back and forth on his unsteady feet, before collapsing to the ground and losing consciousness.


	7. Deadbeat Dad

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT.

A/N: I'm back from the dead, and I brought presents! I hated how utterly crappy my previous chapters were, so I edited every single one of them, check it out if you have nothing better to do! :D Anyways, here's the new installment, I hope ya' like it! Please don't kill me, it's hard to come back from the dead!

* * *

**Chapter 7: Deadbeat Dad!**

"Uhhhmmm…" mumbled Goku, moving slightly to the right, and hitting into something hard. He was just barely waking up from his unconsciousness. He was vaguely aware of something tickling his foot, and the strong scent of hospital and pee that lingered around the space he was occupying.

"Wha-" muttered Goku, sitting up and rubbing his blurry eyes, "Happened?"

He glanced down at the tickling sensation on his foot and nearly screamed. Suddenly a very scary and dirty looking Saiyan man looked up from the business he was so enveloped in. Goku's mouth was agape. It looked like he was staring at the Saiyan version of a hobo. He felt the subtle sensation on his foot again and all of a sudden:

_YANK_

Off ran the Saiyan - who appeared to be a hobo – with Goku's….. sock? 'What?' Goku thought in near hysterics.

He glanced off in front of him and saw that his shoe had been tossed to his side. He grabbed it and started running half-barefoot in hot pursuit of the bum. He'd lost sight of the guy, he was pretty fast, but he could still smell the unmistakable musk of month-old pee.

"Get back here!" shouted an enraged Goku, "That's my sock you dirty hobo!"

Goku was stopped by what appeared to be some sort of guard. "Just where do you think you're going, third class?" questioned the irritated guard.

Goku stared at the guard for a moment in confusion. He then hopped on his foot that still had a shoe, and displayed to the authority figure that he was missing his sock.

"Some dirty, hairy guy just stole my sock!" announced Goku in determination, "I'm trying to get it back!"

The guard raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, and chuckled to himself. "Not in there, you're not," he casually replied.

"What? Why not!?!" asked Goku in shock.

"Isn't it obvious?" asked the guard, while pointing at some odd sign, which was in a language Goku couldn't understand, "No third class soldiers or citizens are allowed in these corridors, they're reserved for second class and elite if they so choose."

"Why?" asked Goku. "That's not fair!"

The Saiyan laughed at Goku and replied, "Life's not fair. I suggest you get dressed in your ceremonial armor soon, the ceremony is about to begin. It was announced that all Saiyans are required to attend it, all those that are found elsewhere will be charged for loitering and will be arrested."

"Where can I find ceremonial armor?" asked Goku, "How much time do I have?"

"What do you mean, everyone was sent the appropriate armor?" replied the guard, while glancing at a watch on his arm. "You have about 15 minutes."

'Okay…' thought Goku, 'This shouldn't be too difficult, just find armor that looks like Bardock's.'

* * *

"Bardock, are you sure it was such a smart idea to just leave Goku in that hallway?" asked Toma, "After all, he is your son, ya' know?"

"Yeah, well he was starting to piss me off!" replied Bardock with an angry huff.

"Nearly everything pisses you off," stated Toma with a laugh. "Besides, you heard the announcement, everyone needs to be at the ceremony, it's required. What are the chances of that dufus figuring out how to attend the ceremony, or how to act at a ceremony for that manner?"

"Well, there will be a lot of people there, so he probably won't be noticed," replied Bardock, trying to shrug off the subject.

* * *

Meanwhile, Goku was in a state of panic. 'I can't believe he just left me in that hallway. What type of father is he anyways?' thought Goku.

So far, he'd just been running around like an idiot threw the hallways, and making absolutely no head-way at all. 'What am I going to say to the authority figures when I get arrested? Um, sorry, I couldn't find any armor, or where the ceremony was being held for that matter?'

He skidded around another corner so fast; he didn't realize that he was about ram head-on into someone else. He collided into the person, and they collapsed to the floor. Immediately, Goku was shoved into a wall by a very angry raven-haired woman.

"What the hell's wrong with you now, Bardock?" she hissed, "Why don't you look where you're going for once!"

"I'm not who you think-" began Goku, who was abruptly cut-off by:

"And why the hell aren't you wearing your ceremonial armor you fucktard?" she shouted, looking as if she were about to slap him, "Do you want to get arrested and then killed!"

Goku winced at her harsh and defiling words, shrinking away in fear of the woman. Why did all Saiyans have to act so rude and hostile? What had he done to her?

"No! Please don't hurt me!" Goku pleaded.

The woman got close, and up in his face, analyzing him closely for a moment. She had the same creepy eyes that most all full-blooded Sayians had, pure ebony. 'Well I guess I have those creepy eyes too…' thought Goku randomly.

"Wait a minute," she muttered, running her hand along one of his cheeks, "You aren't Bardock!"

"That's what I tried to tell you a minute ago!" replied Goku, trying inch away from her.

"Who are you then?" she asked, somewhat intrigued, "Are you his brother or something…? I didn't think Bardock had a brother…"

"No, I'm his son, Kakarrot. I've come from the future."

For the umpteenth time that day, Goku was given an extremely skeptical look. "Sure," she muttered, "And I'm Bardock's aunt from the past. Give me a break!"

"Look, Bardock can explain to you once I find him!" replied Goku.

"So why'd he leave you if he's you're daddy?" questioned the woman with a laugh.

"He's a bad father; he smacked me upside the head while I had my guard down, and left me in some random hallway. This hobo came while I was unconscious and stole my sock, see?" answered Goku, displaying his bare, and now quite dirty foot, for the second time that day.

The woman laughed again, apparently, she had a very vivid imagination. "Hey," she said in-between laughter, "That guy stole my beer once, and I beat the crap out of him!"

"How do you know it's the same guy?" asked Goku.

"Did he smell like piss?" she asked crudely.

"Yeah," replied Goku.

"It's the same guy," stated the woman with another chuckle. "I like you. I'll help you out with the armor."

"Really!?!" Goku nearly shouted in delight, throwing his shoe up in the air and catching it.

"Yeah, besides, I've always wanted to trash Bardock's place," she replied with an evil look in her eyes.

"But… Hey! That's mean, and then he'll kill me!" replied Goku in shock.

"Do you want the armor or not?" asked the woman, casually flipping her short black locks out of her face.

"Yes."

"Let's go, we don't have much time," replied the woman, grabbing Goku by the shirt, and dragging him behind her.

'Why do I get the feeling something terrible is going to happen?' thought Goku in dread.


	8. Too Sexy for My Cat

Disclaimer: I don't own DB/Z/GT or I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Too Sexy for My Cat**

The whole complex that housed the Saiyans on this side of the planet was extremely confusing to poor Goku. It kind of reminded him of Capsule Corp., what with all of the maze-like corridors and stairs, and let's not forget the elevators. This woman who was being kind enough to escort him to his imminent doom had also been thoughtful enough to explain the divisions of living/training/dining quarters. Apparently each class had a symbol, and was only allowed to be in an area where their symbol was on the wall… somewhere? Goku was still slightly confused.

"Wow… you aren't the smart one in the family then, eh, no offense though," commented the woman dubiously.

"Um, none taken," answered Goku, looking around for a symbol.

When he finally came across one, he stopped and examined it closely.

"That's ours," stated the woman, crossing her arms, "the third class symbol."

Goku's brows drew together in frustration, "But it looks like-"

"Human excrement?" she provided, a slight smile adorning her face.

"Huh? No… I was gonna say a pile of poopy," replied Goku.

The woman's smile only faltered slightly, "Nice observation."

"So what do the other symbols look like?" questioned Goku out of curiosity.

"Oh the others are just designated by Roman Numerals and the letter R for the Royals, or so I've been told," answered the woman.

Goku paused his long stride for just a moment, thinking, "Roman Numerals, why does that sound familiar? Why does it sound out of place here?"

"Do you want to die?" asked the woman suddenly and rather harshly.

"Wha- Why?" replied a startled Goku.

"Cuz you're so damn slow!" she hissed.

Goku shoved aside the suspicion to the back recesses of his mind, and caught up with the woman, who was now at least 20 paces ahead of him.

Suddenly, she stopped and announced, "Home sweet home!"

The door looked the same as the other's around it. It was white, and plain. It had absolutely no distinguishing attributes.

"How do we get in? Do you have a key?" asked Goku.

"Key… HA! Who needs a key when you have a pair of these?" replied the woman, raising a pair of fists to Goku's face.

Goku glanced at her raised hands, "Gloves?" he guessed, a confused expression on his face.

"Oh yes, little Cockalott! Who needs a key when you have a lovely pair of gloves?" the woman stated sarcastically.

"Little? I'm practically your age, and my name is Kakarrot," replied Goku, "By the way, what's your name?"

"Celipa."

"Like celery?"

"What's celery?"

"Um… it's green…"

Celipa quickly forgot about Goku's little inquiry, seemly bored, and suddenly grabbed the doorknob and yanked, pulling it directly out of the door.

"Hey!" shouted Goku.

"Shut your face!" snapped Celipa, "Do want to get us arrested, this aint exactly legal ya' know!"

"Sorry, why the heck did you do that?" whispered Goku.

"To keep as a souvenir," she replied.

"Really?"

"Gah! No! To piss the Bardmeyster off."

"Oh…"

Celipa then proceeded to kick the door down with her boot. It fell to the floor with an extremely noisy thump. Apparently, it knocked something on the way down that made a loud crash as it too hit the floor, which was tile, and easily reverberated the noises around the room and accompanying corridor.

"Now be very inconspicuous, little Chocolate. We don't want to get caught.

"M'kay…" mumbled Goku, who was by now, much more interested in his surroundings than he was of this ballistic stranger.

Celipa rummaged through the room, which was to Goku's surprise, quite tidy. It was just as plain as the hallways he'd been through. The only portion that showed any life at all was the kitchen, go figure. The kitchen was stock full of food, and there were stacks of dishes in the sink. So maybe Bardock wasn't so cleanly after all, maybe the only room that was even inhabited was the kitchen.

Goku opened up a rectangular refrigerator, that sat horizontally and spanned a whole, about 20 foot wall. He merely pressed a button on the outside, and second later, he was staring at tons of food. He was currently staring at a jello-like substance. He prodded it with his finger, and watched it wiggle to his touch.

He became bored with the food, or rather, disappointed. None of it looked very appetizing. He was kind of scared to eat it. He walked over to the sink and proceeded to mess with every gadget on it. He plopped his foot in the sink, and washed the dirt off of it. Celipa found him a sock, and threw it at his head.

'Well, that's one problem solved,' he thought as he put the sock on his foot.

Next he opened up something that looked like what would have been a laptop on Earth. It seemed a lot more high tech, and the graphical user interface was a lot cooler than he'd ever remembered seeing on a Earthling computer.

"This is cool," he told Celipa, as he messed around with buttons that he didn't understand.

Celipa glanced over her shoulder, she had been currently tearing apart Bardock's wardrobe, "Yeah," she replied, "It has the new Nintendo 64 OS."

"What was the old one?" asked Goku, not that it mattered to him anyway, he just wanted to make pleasant conversation.

"NES."

"What about before that one?"

"Freeza's Ultimate OS," replied Celipa, "Nobody really liked that one much, you couldn't change the background image from Freeza's face, and we get enough shit from him as it is, don't ya' think?"

Goku didn't answer; he was too busy playing a racing go-cart game on the super cool computer. He was interrupted by Celipa, who'd taken the computer away.

"Hey! You made Luigi beat me!!!" he exclaimed with a classic little boy pout on his face.

"Puh-lease," commented Celipa, holding out a pair of armor. "It looks like it's an older pair of his, but it beats the gallows."

"Where's the restroom?"

"Ya' need to pee or something?"

"No, I wanna get dressed."

"No-one's stopping you, dumbass," replied Celipa, shoving the armor into his arms, and crossing her own, while tapping her right foot impatiently.

"Well, I'd like some privacy," said Goku matter-of-factly.

Celipa raised a brow.

"Chichi always tells me that I should be less crude, and that nakedness is only the sight for lovers, and barbaric heathens."

"What the hell type of name is Chichi? Does she have big knockers or something?" asked Celipa.

"Nope, I don't think Chichi has any knockers," replied Goku with a frown.

"Hmmm…. Well never mind what she said just get dressed already."

Goku proceeded to strip.

* * *

_The following scene would contain inappropriate material so I've replaced it with a thought provoking song:_

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan  
And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing  
I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk  
I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that  
I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk  
I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my  
'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk  
I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me  
And I'm too sexy for this song"_

_Ehem, now that that's over…._

* * *

"Okay stud muffin, we're ready to get down to business now," pointed out Celipa.

"You mean, we're going to go to the ceremony now?"

"No, we're going to trash Bardock's place!" stated a halfway annoyed Celipa.

"But…" began Goku, glancing around the place apprehensively, "It looks like you already have?"

"Um, no, you haven't seem nothin' yet, my little Catinrock," replied Celipa with a smirk, "You sure you don't need to pee?"

"Well, maybe I do a little…"

"Good," said Celipa, opening the fridge and pulling out a gallon container full of a yellow liquid, she poured half of it out, and handed it to Goku, "You get to do the honors."

Goku gaped at it with a look of disbelief, "No way!"

"Do it," hissed Celipa, grabbing a rather forbidding knife from the counter, and shoving it near his throat.

"What are you, bipolar?"

"Do it!"

"Okay, okay, but I have a shy bladder. It doesn't like violence, and I can't pee with a knife to my throat," squealed Goku.

"Tell your bladder it can shove itself up your ass!" yelled Celipa.

"I… I can't do that!" answered a terrified Goku.

Celipa moved the knife so close it nipped at Goku's neck, and caused a drop of blood to drip down to the floor.

"EEEK!" he yelped, "Okay okay okay okay! I'll do it."

_(tinkle… tinkle… tinkle…)_

Celipa shoved the container back in the fridge and began knocking anything she could find to the ground. She draped rolls of toilet paper from light fixtures and furniture. She threw eggs at the walls. She clogged the toilet to the point that it overflowed previous waste all over the bathroom floor.

Once the whole apartment-like dwelling appeared as if a hurricane had been through it, she paused to admire her handiwork with a delighted smile. She then frowned, walked over to the sink, and turned on the tap.

"Aren't you going to turn that off?" asked Goku after a moment.

"Nope, I want his water bill to be a bitch," she replied, "Come to think of it…"

She commenced with flipping on every light switch she could find. When finished, she turned and smiled at Goku, "Now we can leave."

* * *

**Meanwhile...**

"It's ready" announced Bulma.

"It's about time!" Chichi nearly shouted.

"Well, don't worry, Chichi. Vegeta and I will bring Goku back safe and sound before ya' know it!" said Bulma with a smile.

"Oh… No you won't!"

"What?" asked a bemused Bulma.

"I'm going to drag him home myself!" Chichi announced, snatching the device from Bulma greedily.

"Wait! ChiChi! You don't know how to use it!" screamed Bulma.

* * *

A/N: *Enter DBZ Announcer Guy* Will Goku and Celipa make it to the ceremony in time? What will it be about? Will ChiChi be commited into a mental asylum? Is Goku to sexy for his cat? Will this story ever make sense? Will I ever update? You'll just have to stick around and wait for the next exciting episode of DRAGON BALL Z! hehe... as if that never been done before...


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